Dear Mom and Dad,
I started this as a way to “talk” to Jim after he passed on, but realized I could reach out to you two as well. Writing to dead people may become a habit.
Yesterday I started a visualization/meditation to create money in my life. I decided to visualize what I would be doing if I suddenly found myself with crazy money. Like 100s-of-millions crazy money. Oh, I set up trusts so Jim’s grown boys would never want, and of course a nice trust for Jenny and her new husband. Then I wanted to sit down with Jenn and Charles to let them know my finances had changed, and tell them we could get a house for them, and Jenn could quit working. Suddenly, I was driving all across the country to connect with people who had played a role in my life, for better or worse. I was thanking each one. Or forgiving. Or both – depending on the circumstances. I must have been lost in that revelry for a good 20 minutes before I opened my eyes.
On opening my eyes, I giggled at where my visualization for cash flow had wandered off to. Then I realized, I do not need millions of dollars to do exactly what I had visualized. Of course, I cannot exactly take off and drive across the country. But I can thank people, and (gulp) even forgive.
So today, I’m living like a millionaire – writing out thank you cards to people, some of whom I’ve not even seen for decades. It feels so wonderful to do this.
You are both on my list. Clearly I cannot mail a card to you, so here I am – blogging to the dead. I know that you were not raised to be openly demonstrative of love. You had four kids, little money, and did your very best for us. I want you to know that it never even occurred to me until much, much later in life that we were poor. It was just life to me as a kid to only get 1 pair of shoes a year and 1 new dress for school. Of course, as the years went by, you were doing better financially.
I know you loved me and showed me in the only ways you knew how. When I was fully grown and used to stop by lunch to “check in” with you each day, I made sure I hugged you when I came in. At first, I think it made you both a little uncomfortable, not being used to that. But I am so glad I hugged you both, every chance I got to do that without pushing you too far out of your comfort zone. Thank you for being the best parents you could possibly be, and for loving me.