Opening the Widow Blog

JournalSo, this all began as a private blog under “lock down” so that I could communicate with my husband after he passed away in the way we met:. In text, over the internet, over 20 years ago.  It was the birth of the internet really.  Back in 1991, posting a note to the internet was a black monitor screen and a little C: prompt.  We were posting notes in a “room” with about 18 other people, discussing philosophy and reality creation.  You could type out a note, send it to post and it would show up on the internet after anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours later depending on the internet was running at that moment in time. There were no graphics, no sharing of photos unless you popped one into an envelop and posted it through the United States Postal Service.

Long story short, after a couple of years and developing very close relationships with my friends in the “room” on the internet, we all gathered in New York to meet up in the fall of 1993.  We had people from various walks of life and various geographic locations all meeting in one hotel.  It was amazing.  I walked into a room of people whom I had never met or even seen before, yet I felt like I intimately knew each and every one of them.  We had shared things with each other that we probably had not even shared with family.  It was my first experience of making close friends in cyberspace.

Over that weekend, I was surprised to find I felt an attraction to the oldest member of our group – a retired teacher from da Bronx.  Did I say long story, short? Okay, it was actually only a few months after that meet up that I moved to New York with Jim.  We continued to communicate with our internet family, and then even found and created new families of friends as the internet developed and rapidly grew after 1993.  Exciting times – like being a pioneer out there in cyberspace.  So you see, cyberspace was our original bond.  After over 20 years together, Jim died quite suddenly here at home and I found myself ringing in 2015 alone.  I missed confiding in Jim – we shared everything with each other.  In my anguish, I returned to the internet to write him a letter.   A few weeks later, I wrote to Jim again.  But stopped after that because I had begun to chat out loud with him and no longer felt the need to write.  But a few months later, I did feel moved to write my parents.  Hence “More Talking to Dead People.”

It has been in my heart to share with other widows because I know how difficult the journey back to yourself is.  I started out with a podcast, Widow Cast (which can be found in iTunes to download and listen).  But then I realized my very private letters in this secret blog needed to shared.  As personal as they are, they could possible help another who is grieving connect and not feel so alone.  So I have opened the doors on Widow Blog.  Scroll down to find the original entries to read.  I hope you find it of value – leave me a comment please.

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